those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize