hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
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What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
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Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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