Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
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well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
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I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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