i just wanna soil my oats bro
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
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She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
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who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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