There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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