Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize