May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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