btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
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i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
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Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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