She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
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Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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