I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
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And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
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But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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