is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
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If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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