i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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