I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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