dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize