ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize