just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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