This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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