You made me cry and you don't even care
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize