we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
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If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
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I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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