So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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