i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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