my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize