it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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