filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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