im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My vagina just clenched in fear
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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