Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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