i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize