Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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