I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
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dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
my liver is dry heaving
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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