We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
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Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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