her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize