so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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