Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
pray to the hookup gods
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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