I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
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So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
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Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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