I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
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Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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