I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
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In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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