Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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