I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
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I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
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The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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