Texts From Last Night

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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.

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  (859): MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT. http://tfl.nu/s1v1
  Replies (70) Good night (4592) Bad night (1282) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.

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  (407): We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab. http://tfl.nu/iyx8
  Replies (14) Good night (4654) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE

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  (614): Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE http://tfl.nu/myo8
  Replies (21) Good night (3912) Bad night (1410) Order T-Shirt
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!

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  (504): As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!! http://tfl.nu/d5pb
  Replies (18) Good night (3060) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.

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  (204): We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day. http://tfl.nu/b3rk
  Replies (15) Good night (3656) Bad night (521)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself

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  (231): Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself http://tfl.nu/7j3v
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.

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  (610): You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns. http://tfl.nu/o535
  Replies (12) Good night (995) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.

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  (850): Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees. http://tfl.nu/qlcd
  Replies (2) Good night (1179) Bad night (345) Order T-Shirt
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.

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  (701): Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves. http://tfl.nu/z6ix
  Replies (3) Good night (963) Bad night (281) Order T-Shirt
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  (212): View more from New York

  That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!

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  (212): That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS! http://tfl.nu/7667
  Replies (12) Good night (1523) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.

  (1-808): View more from Hawaii

  To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.

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  (808): Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen. (1-808): To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one. http://tfl.nu/g3ky
  Replies (9) Good night (1044) Bad night (247)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.

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  (803): I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly. http://tfl.nu/xwln
  Replies (2) Good night (304) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.

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  (540): We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment. http://tfl.nu/ze3a
  Replies (3) Good night (1421) Bad night (222) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.

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  (404): Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up. http://tfl.nu/ge7g
  Replies (4) Good night (317) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.

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  (773): Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment. http://tfl.nu/iyng
  Replies (3) Good night (143) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt

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