Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
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He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
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The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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