You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
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I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
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this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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