I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize