I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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