You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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