eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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