My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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