i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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