just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
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I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
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IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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