Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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