Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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