...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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